Pim-Hole


STEVIE READS A PREPARED STATEMENT.

STEVIE: My sweets, my savories. This brings me no small amount of sexual gratification, but I’m afraid I have something to confess: I originally wrote this sketch for something else entirely.

Now. My wife, bless her black, wretched heart, tried telling me it wouldn’t translate very well. She was right, of course. So we’ve made the difficult decision to have it put down.

This was a very easy decision to make. But we’re mostly confident it was the right decision given how much it directly benefits us.

Healing, of course, comes only with time. But with a mixture of cleaning products, prescription drugs, and perhaps a little rock and roll, we hope to expedite the process one way or the other.

Thank you.

A Message from the White House


A MESSAGE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE

MUSIC: BLARING AND PRETENTIOUS “BREAKING NEWS” DIDDY.

SWEETLY: Good evening, I’m Fuhkme Sweetly. As chaos continues to engul our once great nation, the White House has released the following message in the hopes of bridging gaps, mending bridges, and generally stirring the pot.

MESSAGE: (RECORDING) (ASSORTED BABOON SOUNDS FOLLOWED BY SILLY SNORING, A CUCKOO CLOCK, SAWING WOOD, AND A SMALL, WHISTLING STEAM LOCOMOTIVE)

SWEETLY: Truly a bold and daring message for these challenging times.

I’m Fuhkme Sweetly, and this has been another crushing message from today’s White House. Goodnight, and try not cry too much.

MUSIC: BLARING AND PRETENTIOUS “BREAKING NEWS” DIDDY. UP, OUT.