The Job: Wrestling with Myself

A PODCAST, THE SORT WITH NO BUDGET AND SOME WELL-INTENTIONED, PASSIONATE HOST COMPLETELY OUT OF THEIR ELEMENT. MARK JOBBERSON IS SAID HOST.

MUSIC: A FRUSTRATINGLY LONG, ASSINGLY ANNOYING MIX OF PUBLIC DOMAIN FAUX ROCK AND ASSORTED PRO WRESTLING-RELATED CLIPS AND SOUNDBITES. UP, UNDER.

MARK: Coming to you live from The Crow’s Nest, I’m “Mild” Mark Jobberson, and you’re listening to Wrestling with Myself, the number one professional wrestling podcast according to people who exclusively listen to this podcast.

MUSIC: OUT.

MARK: This week, we’ve got for you a full review of “Isn’t This Depressing,” the latest monthly live event from It’s Not a Hobby, It’s a Business Championship Wrestling; a look back on the life and career of the five-time Car Wash and Hot Wax Champion, Nipples McSweeny; my Top Ten list of the best places to buy discount, oversized bootleg pro wrestling tee shirts; and an exclusive interview with my neighbor, Terrold, about the time he almost became a pro wrestler, but didn’t.

But first, a message from this week’s sponsor – Joe Bear’s Pro Wrestling Ring and Gear Rentals. (READS) Do you have too much money? Have you watched professional wrestling a time or two? Don’t you wish you could spend all that money you should save for rent and necessities on your own professional wrestling show? Well, with Joe Bear’s Pro Wrestling Ring and Gear Rentals, even the biggest sucker can afford to put other people’s health and safety at risk for the chance at making a buck. Joe Bear’s Pro Wrestling Ring and Gear Rentals, because why should trained professionals with any degree of knowledge and experience with this sort of thing have all the fun?

CUT TO:

A BUMPER. SOMEHOW OF EVEN WORSE QUALITY. STOCK MUSIC UP, UNDER. 

PLEATHERDADDY: I’m The Pleatherdaddy, and you’re listening to this guy’s podcast.

MARK: (OFF) It’s the “Wrestling with My–”

PLEATHERDADDY: (OFF) Look, I already said what I said. Can I get my five bucks, or is this going to turn into a thing?

CUT TO:

THE PODCAST. SORRY.

MARK: Moving on to our first segment this week, an in-depth review of “Isn’t this Depressing”, the latest monthly event from It’s Not a Hobby, It’s a Business Championship Wrestling, live at the public indoor basketball court at Glockenspiel Park. While originally scheduled to begin at two in the afternoon this past Saturday, some minor technical issues ultimately delayed the show until eleven o’clock that same evening. Once the police dispersed and the show was allowed to continue, the first match of the evening finally took place, featuring Dilby Largebottom and Fatty Tightshirtandsweats in a Gluten-Free Bear Claw and Jellyroll Deathmatch–

SFX: A KNOCK ON A WINDOW.

SFX: MARK LITERALLY CRANKS HIS WINDOW DOWN, HARD, FAST, AND LOOSE.

MARK: (OFF) Hello, officer. What seems–

OFFICER: (OFF) We’ve had some complaints about someone publicly pleasuring themselves in this parking lot. You wouldn’t happen to know–

SFX: MARK STARTS CAR, SPEEDS OFF.