What in the Silent H?

A COLLEGE LECTURE HALL. PROFESSOR JIGGLE NIPPLESON SPEAKS. THEIR ASSISTANT SITS ON A NEARBY STOOL, DRESSED IN A SILLY COSTUME.

PROFESSOR: Good evening, class. I am Professor Jiggle Nippleson, and welcome to tonight’s special lecture on subverting expectations. (GESTURES) Aiding me tonight is my assistant, Craigbert. (TO ASSISTANT) All set, Craigbert?

ASSISTANT: (NODS) I think so.

PROFESSOR: Wonderful.

PROFESSOR SHOOTS ASSISTANT DEAD.

AN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE. THEN…

Now. As you can see, Craigbert never even suspected that I would casually execute them without hesitation.

CLASS OOHS AND AAHS AS THEY SLOWLY GET IT.

You might be asking yourself, “Is Craigbert really dead?”… or, “Can I learn to do this myself?”… or perhaps, “Do they have a book I can buy?”

The answer to all those questions, I’m happy to tell you, is “yes.” Yes, I do have a book you can buy, and it is very, very expensive.

CLASS CHEERS.