Stalking with Jim

ANTHONIO: Good evening, and welcome to “Stalking with Jim.” I’m Anthonio “Tony” Tonedeaf. Jim is currently serving three and four-fifths years as a Republican Senator.

Our mark tonight is heterosexual pornographile and amateur soup can label collector, Dreward Fictional-Character.

DREWARD: Look at you. Is this how you choose to spend what precious hours you have left in this life, hmm? Going around town and making snide remarks about strangers with silly names? Well, I didn’t choose my name, thank you very much. It was bad enough when the children in school used to poke fun and beat me with toilet seats, and even worse when the teachers joined in. But for a grown heterosexual pornographile to find himself unable to walk about town without some insipid little whatever you are forcing me to be apart of your failed attempt at achieving the attention your parents failed to provide you in your formative years is simply a firm slap and twist of the nipple too far, thank you very much. You must see yourself as quite the silly silly-person, don’t you?

ANTHONIO: No, not really. But I feel better about my lack of ideas and creativity.