Right Step, Wrong Foot

A REPORTER SPEAKERS TO US LIVE FROM A SMALL FAMILY BARBECUE IN A PARK.

REPORTER: (TO AUDIENCE) Good evening. I’m A. Work of Fiction, and welcome to the biggest mistake of my life.

Our top story tonight: a local family is shocked, sickened, and shamed by the startling revelation that I’ve shit my pants.

EVERYONE SNEERS, GAGS, DISPERSES.

Who am I? Where did I come from? And what compels an otherwise healthy, grown adult to defecate – publicly – in their pants – and at a family barbecue, of all places.

WIFE: (CONCERNED) Honey? Is everything… (SMELLS IT) (GAGS) Oh, my god…

REPORTER: (TO AUDIENCE) Joining me tonight is my wife, Insert Name Here, in her first public appearance since learning I’ve shit my pants.

WIFE: (DISGUSTED) What is wrong with you?

REPORTER: (TO WIFE) I hate your father. I always have.

WIFE: (GETS IT) Oh. Well… (SHRUGS) Be sure to clean up when you’re finished.

WIFE WALKS AWAY.

REPORTER: (TO AUDIENCE) I’m A. Work of Fiction, continuing to shit their pants live from my Father-in-Law’s retirement party. We now return you to another complete waste of time.