STEVE: Hi, I’m what’s wrong with the world today. If you’re like me, you’ve often found yourself consumed with a persistent sense that someone is waiting to sneak up on you, inject you with some sort of drug or chemical that will render you unconscious, and then spirit you away to some distant warehouse where they will either harvest your organs or simply devour you alive, inch by fleshy inch. And also like me, perhaps you also loathe waiting in line to use a filthy public toilet that looks as if God herself was in a rather bad mood the day she saw fit to damn a shaped bit of porcelain to a lifetime of being on the receiving end of American cuisine. In any case, that’s why I use Poopr. (HOLDS UP PHONE) Poopr is an all-new, web-based indentured servant application that allows anyone with far too much money, and far too little shame, to hire some poor bastard to drive across a traffic-choked city so as to squat behind you with an official Poopr canvas bag and collect your feces. Whether you’re at a coffee shop, a public park, or the changing room at your local department store, Poopr will be there to take advantage of a failing economy and the unloved souls who exist within it. Poopr: life has never been squandered quite like this.