STEVE FORMALLY, YET FORMALLY ADDRESSES THE LISTENER.
STEVE: Dear Reader… This is a bit embarrassing to admit. But it has recently come to my attention that I simply couldn’t be assed to write a sketch.
For some, this will come as a bit of a surprise. And I assure you, you will soon learn precisely how foolish you were for doubting how astoundingly stupid I am.
Others, however, are judgmental bastards who obviously know me quite well, actually.
In either case, I’m afraid it still works out, more or less, to be a complete waste of time.
STEVE TOOTS A LITTLE HORN.