STEVE is the host of a radio show of his own making, and nothing good can or will come of it.
STEVE: I’m a figment of an uncaring universe, and welcome back to The Nightly Chill. Our guest this week is Juan Santana from San Juan Capistrano.
JUAN: The lady said this was going to be a survey…
STEVE: (maniacal laughter) Because that’s what we pay her to say! (to audience) Isn’t that right, folks? (self-applause) (to Juan) You know the rules, don’t you, Juan?
JUAN: Who are you?
STEVE: Wonderful. But for those of you at home, here’s how it works: Juan will be blindfolded, gagged, and abandoned in a random corner of this week’s city, with no phone, no wallet, and no clothes. If he can evade capture for seventy-two hours, Juan wins one-thousand dollars!
JUAN: Wait. That’s it?
STEVE: So you’ll do it?
JUAN: (considers this) Sure, what the Hell.
STEVE: …Wait. Really?
JUAN: Yeah. That’s like half my rent.
JUAN: When do we get started?
STEVE: …I don’t think I want to anymore.
JUAN: What? Why not?
STEVE: …I never actually expected anyone to go along with this crazy idea.
JUAN: Then why go through the trouble?
STEVE: Promise not to laugh?
JUAN: No. But why let that stop you now?
STEVE: Right. Well… I’ve been a bit lonely.