Romina, from writer-director Diego Cohen, is what happens when someone mistakes their uninspired version of Friday the 13th for some sort of cheeky, artistic reinterpretation. In it, a group of plucky kids go to Crystal Lake (yes, it’s actually called this) and then get butchered one-by-one in a variety of ways that scream “yes, we had less money and creativity than the 1979 original.” There’s nothing here you haven’t seen done before and done better.

But while it’s mostly an insulting dime-store rip-off of one of the most definitive horror movies in its class, it also insults you with not one, but two prologues. The first is a 3-minute, single-take close-up of the titular Romina as a voice-over spits out three-minutes worth of exposition and police jargon for no reason other than to eat up time. This is then followed up by a minute or so montage of the aftermath of the movie’s events, highlighting all the blood and death you’re supposedly going to see. Except that stuff happens in the third act, meaning this movie spoils itself before the opening credits.

There’s no reason for this movie to exist. And there’s no reason to watch this over Friday the 13th, or any of its numerous sequels or the glut of half-way competent knock-offs from the past 40 years.

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