In which Steve reflects on an older news story about a grown adult sitting on a child as a (accidentally fatal) form of punishment.
Fun fact: I love professional wrestling. As a kid, I grew up watching and rewatching Hulk Hogan bodyslamming Andre the Giant. I still quote the magnificent ramblings of Macho Man Randy Savage at the best and worst of times. And I continue to be mesmerized by The Rock’s ability to paralyze his opponents long enough to taunt them for approximately 15 minutes and deliver one of the worst elbow drops ever.
Eventually, I spent a good chunk of my adult years in the world of pro wrestling myself. I trained. I performed in front of crowds. I was even on a few posters and signed a few autographs.
It was all pretty cool when it wasn’t also a literal pain in the ass.
Because for all the entertainment involved, it’s still a highly physical, incredibly dangerous bit of athletic improv performance art. Even the most innocuous of moves carries a risk of serious injury.
One of the most terrifying moves to watch as a kid and to be on the receiving end as an adult would have to be Yokozuna’s Banzai Drop, where a massive man climbs the ropes only to drop down and sit on the prone body of his opponent.
It’s an impressive sight to see for sure. But even as an adult man aware of and trained in the staged nature of wrestling, it’s still utterly terrifying to see the wrong end of that coming down on top of you.
Now imagine what it must be like for a small, 9-year old child to find themselves on the receiving end of a Bonzai Drop. Because that’s the subject of today’s Morbid Moment.
Back in October of 2017, a 64-year old woman from Pensacola, Florida was charged with the second-degree murder of her 9-year old cousin.
After beating her cousin, Dericka, with a ruler and a metal pipe didn’t get the job done, the 320-pound Veronica Posey decided the best way to end things once and for all was to sit on the 74-pound Dericka until the girl just sorta stopped doing much of anything anymore.
It was reported that Posey supposedly called 911 and performed CPR after she realized Dericka was unconscious. But whether that story is true or not, the end result was the same: Dericka was dead because a grown woman somehow thought smothering a small child with the full weight of her 320-pound adult body was a good idea.
Look, I’ve never made it a secret that I, on occasion, wish that someone would leap out and deliver a stiff Shining Wizard to some shrieking little brat in the toy aisle at Walmart. But as hilarious as that random bit of over-the-top child abuse might be in at least one way, in most ways I kinda don’t really want to see that happen. Kinda.
Honestly, if anything, I’d rather the kid’s parents be locked in a steel cage and forced to watch the Kennel from Hell match on repeat for eternity. Because if I’m familiar with one thing all-too well, it’s that emotional and psychological scars take way longer to heal than physical ones.
But when did we decide that spanking was no longer a viable tool for parenting? Because I think most kids would prefer a quick if frightening swat on the ass than being sat on until their heart explodes. Or, ya know, having to listen to their parents condescending tone for fifteen minutes as Mom tries to explain why hitting someone with a sledgehammer doesn’t work in quite the same way Triple H thinks it does.